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I Voted.

4/28/2016

 
I want to discuss politics today. No, wait. That’s not quite right. I want to talk to you about voting. And that’s something different, isn’t it?
 
I grew up in a house where there was a great deal of emphasis placed on our right to vote, as citizens of a democracy. “Women have only been allowed to vote for fifty-eight years,” my mother said. “Susan B. Anthony fought hard for your right to vote. So you will be voting in tomorrow’s kindergarten snack selection.” And so I did. (I voted for the goldfish crackers.)
 
When my sister turned eighteen, we all tromped down to town hall to watch her register to vote. “Democrat?” Dad shouted. “You’re registering as a Democrat?” He stopped speaking to her for a month. But by golly, she held her ground. She was now a registered voter, and she’d picked her party based on her own values and beliefs. Because she could—we lived in a democracy, after all, as she reminded my father.
 
When I turned eighteen three years later, I remembered my sister’s brave stance. She’d exercised her Susan B. Anthony-given right to register to vote and pick the party of her choice. Then I remembered how mad my Dad was.

I registered Republican. After all, my stance was that I could vote for whatever candidate I thought would do the best job, regardless of party affiliation. And I chose not to upset my father.
 
I switched my party many years later, because really, nobody could love the Kennedys as much as I did and stay registered as a Republican. I’d stayed true to my belief that I should vote for the best person for the job, regardless of party affiliation. But heck, by then even my father had to admit I was a Democrat at heart. (A year after switching my party, I worked as a volunteer for the Republican candidate running for state senate at the time. So there.)
 
But here’s the thing: I live in Connecticut. Nobody cares about Connecticut. We’re tiny, we have zero sway in presidential elections, and I’m pretty sure all of the current presidential candidates think we’re just a suburb of New York. It’s a little disheartening voting in my state, because deep down, I just don’t think anyone cares which way Connecticut goes.
 
So Tuesday started much like any other election day in my state. I drove past the polls on my way to work, stopped for coffee and gas, and internally debated whether or not I should even bother to vote. We’re the Nutmeg State. We’re known for . . . well, not much of anything. Women’s basketball and impressive casinos, maybe. That’s about it. Certainly not for our voting importance.
 
But then I heard my mother’s ethereal voice: Susan B. Anthony fought for your right to vote! You’re not going to disappoint her, are you? And me? Why would you want to disappoint your mother like that? The fact that my mother is alive and well made the ethereal voice all the more unexplainable, by the way. All I’ll say is that woman wields some impressive guilt.

Then I heard my father’s voice: You’re the one who wanted to register Democrat, missy. You’d better go vote in the Democratic primary, Little Miss Turncoat. The fact that my father—also alive and well—has never used the term “little miss” anything made his ethereal voice all the more unexplainable. I’m going to chalk this up to my overactive imagination, which both of my parents have accused me of having.
 
So I did it. I stopped at the polls on my way home from work. I was tired, and cranky, and I really needed to pee, but my full bladder was not going to stand in the way of doing my civic duty.
 
Then, it happened: I took my ballot into the booth and looked at it. And my breath caught in my throat. I studied my options, and there under Select Your Democratic Candidate for the Presidency of the United States, nestled among all of the old, white men . . . a woman’s name.  A woman who had a real shot at winning the primary. I hadn't expect the moment to affect me—honestly, I didn't think I cared that much. But for the first time in my life, I thought I might actually live to see the day when a woman is president of the United States.
 

I am not here to tell you how to vote, or whom to vote for, or even whom I voted for. I’m telling you that for the first time in my voting career, I saw the possibility of a woman running the country. Maybe you men don’t get it, because your gender has been populating those ballots for centuries. Just about every other country in the world won't get it, because they've all had women prime ministers and presidents and queens for ages now. But for me, the moment gave me goose bumps. I stared at my ballot and smiled. I smiled hard.
 
Then I voted.
 
Susan B. Anthony would be proud.
Picture

Just Five Minutes Late

4/21/2016

 
If I leave my house at two minutes before seven, I will get to work twenty minutes early. However, if I leave just five minutes later, I will get to work twenty minutes late. It’s frustrating, and can wholly be blamed on one woman in the dinky little cow town where I live.
 
Helen lives one street down from me. She pulls out of her driveway at 6:55, and manages to traverse the half mile from her home to the main street in about eight minutes. How do I know this? Because if I’m pulling onto the main road at 7:03, I will undoubtedly see this:
Picture
I have never met Helen. But I hate her.
 
Normally, on Helen-free days, it takes me three minutes to make it from my road, onto the main street, and to the big intersection in town. (This is how rural it is where I live: we recently doubled the number of working traffic lights in town. To two.) But with Helen in front of me, it takes seven minutes and thirty-six seconds. I know this because I was running late this morning, and found myself with the unwelcome opportunity to time her as we crawled down the road. Why not? I wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon.
 
The traffic at the “big” light in town can get a bit snarly, especially when school is in session, but thankfully, the town is on vacation this week. Helen and I rolled through the light and finally made it to a road where there are actually opportunities to pass. Legally, I mean.
 
Helen and I crested the hill at 26 miles per hour (posted limit: 50. I really hate this woman). We came, blessedly, to a stretch of road where the lines were dotted, and I revved it up to 35 in anticipation of passing Helen and maybe making it to work on time.
 
No such luck. The other thing about Podunk country living that I forgot to mention is the trucks. Not semis, mind you. Farm trucks. Trucks hauling manure, and silage, and sometimes live cattle. And right when I was about to make Helen eat my dust, what should come barreling my way but a big old corn truck, blocking not only his side of the road, but a bit of mine and Helen’s, too?
 
I was raised on a farm. I knew what the appropriate protocol was here. I minded my manners and meekly found my place behind Helen again. We inched along, corn kernels peppering my windshield as the truck passed. The farmer driving the truck waved at Helen. I instantly regretted giving him the right-of-way. Because a friend of Helen’s is no friend of mine.
 
This stretch normally takes thirteen minutes from intersection to highway entrance. Helen crept along. I tried to pass her again, but a flock of turkeys decided to dart across the road when I went to make my move. (Not as stupid as you’d think, turkeys. They clearly knew they were in no danger of winding up on Helen’s grill.) When I tried again, a cop was coming the other way. I decided to give up and accept my fate. I texted my boss this picture (via voice text, Mom, don't worry—I broke no laws):
Picture
 
His reply: Is that Helen? See you at 8:15.
 

Did I say my town is small? My whole state is small.
​My boss has been stuck behind Helen twice now
.
____
Have you stopped by The Storyside lately? Here's what you might have missed!
​
"Deep in the Heart"—free fiction by David Daniel
Red by Jack Ketchum—a book review by Rob Smales
"Sick"—free fiction by Stacey Longo (hey, that's me!)

Favorite Horror Movies

4/15/2016

 
I find myself short on time this week (so much so that I'm writing this at my mother's house while we drop off a table, pick up craft supplies, on our way to the grocery store). I haven't had time to write a new blog. Here's a rerun from 2011:

Being in bed all weekend with my knee propped up and carefully portioning out Oxycontin so I don't become addicted has left me with a lot of time on my hands.  Couple that with free HBO and Showtime this month, and you can imagine what I've been doing the past few days.  That's right - I've been watching a lot of crappy movies.  Watching Megapython vs. Gatoroid, with its insta-classic catfight scene between Tiffany and Debbie Gibson, has inspired me to make a list of my favorite horror movies.

Note: these are my favorite horror movies of all time, not necessarily what you believe are the best horror movies of all time.  Your gripes that The Exorcist is not included are not welcomed nor appreciated.  I didn't see it until I was 32 and I'd built it up in my mind so much that when I did see The Exorcist, it just didn't scare me that much.

10.  The Lost Boys (1987, starring Jason Patric, Keifer Sutherland, the two Coreys, and Alexander Winter)  Before there was Twilight, there was this original teen vampire movie, a drool fest for every teenage girl in the 80s.  Keifer Sutherland as David, the supercool vampire who tricks Jason Patric into becoming one of the undead?  Bite me...please!

9.  The Nightmare on Elm Street Series (1984 - 2003, Robert Englund)  I love it when the scary bad guy has a sense of humor.  Robert Englund hamming it up as the razor-fingered child murderer makes these films my favorite guilty pleasure.

8.  Frozen (2010, cast of unknowns)  What is your biggest fear?  To lose your loved ones?  To die alone?  Mine has always been to be eaten by wolves.  This movie delivers on my worst nightmare tenfold.

7.  Pet Sematary (1989, Fred Gwynn, Denise Crosby)  The book by Stephen King scared me so badly my hair went prematurely gray at the age of 11.  Why I thought it would be a good idea to then watch the movie is beyond me.  Forget the little kid with the knife - the mangled cat still terrifies me today.

6.  The Changeling (1980, George C. Scott)  This movie has little blood, gore, and absolutely no zombies, but it still made me jump out of my skin.  A simple ghost story about a man staying in a haunted mansion...still up there as one of the scariest movies I've ever seen.

5.  The Shining (1980, Jack Nicholson, Shelley Duvall)  I KNOW Stanley Kubrick butchered the novel by Stephen King, but the result was still a great movie.  Jack Torrance takes a job as the winter caretaker of a haunted hotel and drags his wife and son along.  As a writer, the idea of isolating oneself in a creepy hotel for the winter to work on the Great American Novel is definately appealing to me.  Going stir crazy (or just regular crazy) and hacking my family to bits...the scariest part of this movie is that it could happen.  Except for the creepy twin girls randomly apparating in the hallway.  That probably wouldn't happen in real life.

4.  Student Bodies (1981, cast of unknowns)  My BFF in high school, Laura, made me watch this movie, thus proving herself to be the best BFF ever.  This horror movie spoof about a killer named The Breather stalking a high school still makes me laugh out loud and wet my pants a little bit every time I watch it.

3.  Psycho (1960, Anthony Perkins, Janet Leigh)  Alfred Hitchcock is my favorite director of all time, and like many, many people, this is my favorite movie by Hitch.  Plus, I thought Norman Bates was just adorable.  A little too attached to his mother, maybe, but still a cutie pie.  

2.  The Silence of the Lambs (1991, Anthony Hopkins, Jodie Foster)  The most disturbing thing about this movie was that the bad guy...was someone you kind of wanted to root for.  Dr. Hannibal Lecter is brilliant, enchanting, entertaining, and a sadistic cannibal.  What scared me the most was that I would have definately dated that guy if I'd ever met him.  Then he'd eat my liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.

1.  Poltergeist (1982, Craig T. Nelson, JoBeth Williams)  This movie has always scared me and continues to terrify me.  I first saw it when I was 9 years old at a sleepover party, and I still have occasional nightmares about kid-eating trees and possessed stuffed clowns to this day.  I watched it again when I was 30 and had to sleep over my parents' house that night because I was afraid to be in my house alone until I could verify with the assessor's office that it hadn't been built on an indian burial ground.  

Feel free to argue, rant, commend, or ridicule my list as you see fit.  I'm off to check my closets to make sure there are no portals to other dimensions in there.


Durannies 4 Life

4/6/2016

 
My sister and I have had a lifelong love affair with Duran Duran. This love affair has been largely one-sided, as the band seems to not know we exist, but nevertheless, we still see our boys in concert whenever they come to New England. I have one friend (we’ll call him “Tony,” because his name is in fact Tony) who will sometimes ask: why Duran Duran?
 
Why, indeed?
 
It was 1983 when cable television came to the Longo farm. And by cable television, I mean MTV (the rest was irrelevant). This was a huge deal in our house. My sister had just entered her teenage years, and was patiently instructing me (a mere fifth grader, and therefore painfully uncool) how to tape hit songs off of the radio with a cassette recorder during Casey Kasem’s American Top 40 countdown every Sunday. (Honestly, I can’t thank her enough for this important lesson on how to be totally cool.) But with MTV, for the first time, we could see the musicians we were recording on staticky cassette tapes with the occasional sisterly spat (“Hey! What are you wearing? Give me back my leg warmers right now!”) also recorded in the background. Those musicians looked like this:

Picture
Okay, yeah, they're pretty.
Now, if you were a pre-pubescent girl in the eighties, you would have taken one look at that picture and said Like, those hotties are totally tubular, because for some reason valley girl talk was popular for a good six months during the eighties. If you were me, you would have also thought That guy in the blue is gorgeous. Also, he looks like he could give me some sensible makeup tips. So it is entirely possible that my love of Nick Rhodes and Duran Duran is my mother’s fault, because she never wore makeup and therefore never taught Kim and me how to apply eyeliner without poking our own eyes out.
 
Thus, a love affair was born.
 
My memories of the eighties are a whirlwind of fluorescent shoelaces, jelly bracelets, big hair, and pop music. And most importantly, of my big sister. She wouldn’t always hang out with me, but by God, she would stay up with me ’til midnight to watch the video premiere of “Is There Something I Should Know?” She had a part-time job and a car and cool friends while I was still playing with Strawberry Shortcake dolls, but she always made time for me, taking me for a ride in her Granada and blasting “The Reflex” when it came on the radio.
​
But, as everyone does, we grew older. Mom was sport enough to take us to see Duran Duran in concert in 1983, and again in 1985, but when the band broke up after Live Aid . . . we sort of just went our own way, too.
Picture
This band is about to break up.
Fast forward to this phone call in 2007:
 
Kim: Duran Duran is coming to the Chevrolet Theatre. Do you want to go see them?
Me: Depends on how much the tickets are. I really don’t want pay more than, say, thirty-five bucks.
 
Luckily, my sister ignored my cheapness, got tickets, and then won backstage passes. Oh, have I not mentioned  lately that Kim and I have met Duran Duran? Yes. Yes, we have.
 
When they came out to greet us backstage, my first thought was Hey, I know those guys. Like they were old friends. They were old friends. Our hot, aging, totally tubular old friends.
 
We have since seen them in concert in 2008, 2008 again, 2011, 2012, and we’re seeing them tonight at Mohegan Sun. So, Tony, back to your question: “Why Duran Duran?” The answer is simple. They remind me of some of the best days of childhood. It’s about nostalgia. And innocence. Felt fedoras and hungry wolves.
 
Good times.
Picture
That's Kim with her boyfriend John, and me with my boyfriend Nick.

He's Got the Monkeys—Let's See the Monkeys

4/1/2016

 
I have been known, a time or two, to take issue with Disney films. (See The Horrifying World of Disney, or even Sexism on Screen, to revisit some of those issues.) Today, I’d like to talk about Aladdin.
 
Don’t get me wrong--Aladdin isn’t terrible. After all, it has Robin Williams in it. But it is, in itself, inherently and fatally flawed, and I can’t get past the main issue in the film. Here’s the problem:
 
Aladdin wishes for the genie to make him a prince. The rest of the movie, he agonizes over telling Jasmine the truth: that he’s not really a prince.
 
If he’s not really a prince, then the genie never made him a prince.
 
Do you see the problem there? That’s like wishing for a new car, and not getting a new car. It looks like a new car, but it’s not. It’s a 1978 Ford Granada with rusting floorboards made to look like a new car. If that’s what you’d wanted, you would’ve wished for a 1978 Ford Granada that looked like a new car. You didn’t. Where’s the new car, genie?
 
If the genie never made Aladdin a prince—which, clearly he didn’t, if his not being a prince is the main plot point of the film—doesn’t that kind of make the genie the worst genie ever in the history of genies? And what happens to genies that don’t grant wishes? Do their lamps get downgraded to catheters? Do they have to chill out in the Cave of Wonders for another 10,000 years, until they’ve learned their lesson?
 
Disney chooses to ignore this obvious question (demoted to leprechaun? Why no repercussions for the genie?) and instead teaches us some important life lessons, like:
  • It’s okay to screw over your monkey friend/pet for a woman.
  • If you’re a woman, dreaming of “bigger things” means traveling into town before marriage.
  • If something’s happening that you don’t like (say, being forced to marry Jafar), you should run away from your problems.
  • If a man lies to you (‘”I’m a prince!”) and you find out on your own because he never had the decency to tell you he’s a dirty liar, you should forgive him.
  • Tigers make awesome pets.
  • Parrots: also fun pets—if you make them do slave labor for you.
 
 
Now don’t get me wrong: I like Jasmine. She’s got a mind of her own, she’s not willing to bend to the whims of ancestral tradition, and she owns a tiger. I just think she could do better than Aladdin, who, might I remind you, fell in love with her because she was pretty. If you recall, he first sees her when she’s accidentally stealing from a street vendor. What does he say? Not “My goodness, that woman is resourceful,” but “Wow.”
 
Mmm-hmm.
 
No worries, though. By the end of the movie, Jasmine distracts Jafar with her feminine wiles (instead of, say, clocking him in the apple bag with a heavy metal genie lamp), setting it up so Jafar can imprison her in an hourglass and Aladdin can rescue her. Great lessons to teach your daughters—use your sexuality to get your way with men, and the bonus lesson: no matter how independent you are, you still need rescuing. After Aladdin and the genie save the day, Aladdin nobly uses his last wish not to become a prince "again," but to set the genie free. Is this because he’s a good guy at heart? I don’t think so. I think it’s because Aladdin himself realizes that since the genie couldn’t even grant him his first wish to be a prince, wishing it again is pretty much pointless. When you’ve got the most useless genie ever, what else is there to do but set him free?
 
My advice: if you’re looking for Robin Williams at his best, watch Aladdin. But if you’re looking for a movie that actually shows a magical being that can do real magic and thinks for herself . . . rent Frozen.
Picture
Maybe you'd get more respect if you actually granted wishes, genie.

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